Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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