apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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