you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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