I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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