We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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