I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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