Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My pussy is not your playground.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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