I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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