i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
