Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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