He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
