he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
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