I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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