he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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