Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
