Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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