I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
