im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
