I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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