He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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