none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
