I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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