check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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