Just cropdusted the office
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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