Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
