Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
