is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
