my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am available for nakedness
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
