why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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