we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
