guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
