too bad you live with your parents still
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
