K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
