Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize