Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
