you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Randomize
