the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
