Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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