Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
