Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
