So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
