You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
