Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
