I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
