Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
