so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
