omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
