shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
