My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
