Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
