just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
