i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
