Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
