Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dicks are not precious.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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