Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
