I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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