My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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