im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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