Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
