Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never joke about your clitoris.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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