She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
