I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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