I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
