I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
