ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
