God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
