I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
