I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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